Otis Funny Status Messages

   On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook.

   Uh, rah rah baseball people. Football season's begun. More You can stop now. Thanks.

   I prefer my kale with a silent "K"

   Dr says my cholesterol count is so high that... I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

   The Packers did a discount double choke on Sunday

   going to opt for GPS on our next dryer. Should help locate those missing socks.

   When I got the decorations out of the attic yesterday REAL spiders started coming out of the containers.... Well played Halloween, well played.

   Arizona Cardinals running back Jonathan Dwyer was arrested Wednesday for domestic violence, according to reports. Let's see, we have Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice and now this idiot accused of domestic violence. Is this a running back thing?

   they found the body of the guy who stole all the celebrity's nude photos. Apparently he has been high fived to death.

   I won't be impressed with technology until I can download beer.

   Photo bombing is all fun and games until terrorists start doing it.

   What does Obamacare and Obama's NCAA bracket have in common? They are both busted.

   It's my birthday on St Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be drunk all weekend! LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   going for shots this morning. the dogs are getting rabies and I'm getting starbucks

   Due to the recent out break of Norovirus. Royal Caribbean will be changing ships name to Exploader of the Sea.

   I suggest FB replace the "Like" button with "OMAHA!!"

   Bong Bowl is on! Just don't drink the water

   Happy birthday to the microwave oven. As The very first domestic model was introduced 58 years ago today, by the Tappan stove company in Mansfield, Ohio.Formally known as Tappan @ss LLC.

   What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ''K'' instead of ''Okay''?

   Any hedge can be a maze if your drunk enough.