Nipper Funny Status Messages

   Trust me, don't get Guinea Pigs. They're a lot of work for relatively little meat.

   Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.

   I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::...:::::

   One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.

   I cannot wait to interrupt Kanye West's eulogy.

   I used my removable shower head to wash under my beard, so I get it girls. I get it.

   How long is sexual healing supposed to take because I came in this one three times and she's still in a coma.

   The one thing about this group of presidential candidates that we can all agree on is that none of them are fuckable.

   In 15 years' time a girl with a Brazilian won't mean a neatly trimmed vag, it'll be a head shaped like a rugby ball.

   When I'm down to my last bit of weed, I like to take my time and savor the thought of who will be my first stabbing victim.