Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have decided to host the Oscars
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (7)  


   messageicon [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency
←Rate | 12-09-2018 09:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a mother of four, your hobbies should include, not getting pregnant again.
←Rate | 12-08-2018 05:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what anybody else says. "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" is the greatest diss track ever written.
←Rate | 12-03-2018 13:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?
←Rate | 12-02-2018 12:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Establish dominance by waiting until your wife serves the turkey and then tell her you already ate.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 11:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I talk a lot about sex for someone who doesn’t remember it.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 10:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe I talk to myself because I'm my own therapist
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?
←Rate | 10-29-2018 13:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
←Rate | 10-18-2018 11:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.
←Rate | 10-12-2018 05:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of testing products on animals, how about testing on people who don’t say thank you after you hold the door open for them. Just a suggestion.
←Rate | 09-28-2018 13:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
←Rate | 09-20-2018 12:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a husband. Hear me apologise for something I did in my wife's dream.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just cleaned my house by turning off the lights.
←Rate | 09-01-2018 06:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.
←Rate | 08-31-2018 08:16 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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