Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon What is a person who goes off their diet called? A deserter
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If woman are so good at multitasking. Then why can't they sit down and shut up?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner's high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 14:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When trump was ask if he was upset that he wasn't invited to the royal wedding he said "not at all...... I don't know the Royals."
←Rate | 05-18-2018 15:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it annoying when old people poke me at wedding and say "you'll be next." So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 16:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.
←Rate | 05-16-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 14:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Confuciushe says: Man who fight with wife all day, gets no piece at night.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 14:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon God gave us shins so we could find things in the dark.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 16:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I broke because of my gambling...... I hit the lottery and left her.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 16:51 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Wife: Thinking about having my boobs enlarged. Husband: Just rub them with some toilet paper. Wife: will that work? Husband: It did for your butt.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 02:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gave my boss a mother's day card. Because "he" is one of the top ten mothers on my list.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 00:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know a restaurant must be serving bad food when you see a mouse throwing up in the restroom.
←Rate | 05-11-2018 18:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought a stick deodarant. Instruction say "remove cap and push up bottom"....... I have trouble walking, but when I fart, the room does smells nice.
←Rate | 05-10-2018 15:31 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I see "you are here" on a map makes me wonder how did they know I was going to be there.
←Rate | 05-10-2018 15:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time the doorbell rings my dog will go and sit in a corner........ He' a boxer.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 05:37 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend ask me why I was still single. I said I'm single by choice..... Unfortunately it's not by my choce
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens in the shower stays in the shower....... Bet your loofah has some interesting stories it can tell
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:05 by Jake Comments (0)  

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