JMartin Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:14 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words, 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells THEIRS?
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:13 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one more person calls me dramatic, I swear to Christ I'm going to burn the world down.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:12 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I stay at a man's house that I want to see again I always "accidentally" lose something there, like my phone, my sweater, or my dignity.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 20:12 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 13:52 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 13:24 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person!
←Rate | 12-31-2012 13:23 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new years resolution for 2013? I will be less laz
←Rate | 12-31-2012 13:21 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only resolution I've ever managed to stick with, was when I resolved not to make resolutions I can't stick with.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 13:08 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Arguing with strangers on the internet is like the Special Olympics. You might win, but you're still retarded! :)
←Rate | 12-27-2012 20:58 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my favorite things about this time of year is seeing all the pictures of children screaming in sheer terror as their parents try to capture that special moment with Santa.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 09:20 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grammar: The difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 18:01 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 18:00 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looking on the bright side, if the Mayans are right, this is the last Monday we'll ever have to deal with.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 17:51 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASA has confirmed that on December 21, late afternoon, the sky will go very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
←Rate | 12-17-2012 17:51 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing I hate most about getting too drunk at my office Christmas party, is looking for a new job the next day.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 17:50 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon In over 75% of mass shootings in the states the shooters obtained their weapons legally. You can't regulate insanity, but you can regulate guns.
←Rate | 12-15-2012 08:36 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside my nipples just typed this status.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 11:48 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius, because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 20:17 by JMartin Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:57 by JMartin Comments (0)  


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