Gil Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.
←Rate | 04-28-2018 09:14 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?
←Rate | 04-22-2018 18:08 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since smartphone cameras were first released in 2002, sightings of Bigfoot and UFOs have declined by 85%.
←Rate | 01-31-2018 22:34 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 21:21 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you never climbed across the living room furniture as a child, pretending the floor was made out of lava, or built a fort out of cushions and blankets, you didn't have a real childhood.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 12:19 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.
←Rate | 09-29-2017 14:38 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?
←Rate | 09-04-2017 12:35 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon M&M Mars are stupid if they don't shoot a commercial featuring Mayweather and McGregor.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 10:57 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?
←Rate | 07-01-2017 23:35 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think we'll be seeing a lot more of Alec Baldwin on SNL the next few years.
←Rate | 11-09-2016 05:27 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are the odds that Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch have another friendly 30 minute chat to talk about golfing and grandchildren?
←Rate | 10-29-2016 12:57 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 22:53 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon COPD is deadly and no one likes dealing with it, whether you are referring to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or the Commission On Presidential Debates.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 19:26 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment. Be nice to someone today. Kindness is contagious.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 12:30 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now I know why NASCAR fans don't watch the Olympics....Watching swimming is 10X slower than running and 1000X slower than automobile racing.
←Rate | 08-09-2016 18:50 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 12:48 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing
←Rate | 07-05-2016 17:21 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hillary gets elected, Bill will be the ugliest first lady ever.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 10:51 by Gil Comments (0)  



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