Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages
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Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.

Which part of this $5.99 Walmart t-shirt makes you wonder if I would like to see the wine list?

Hopefully Harrison Ford replaced his divot.

I'm just here so I won't get fined.

What time does that rioting and looting reality show start tonight?

When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.

In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.

Ariana Grande is just a fancy way to order a medium ariana.

Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot.

Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting's titty, not ok. Apparently.

I will cause a 12-car pileup before I let you last-minute merge.

Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.

*Shows up to salsa lessons with Tostitos* Haha what the heck are you idiots doing

"This is where the magic happens" ~Me on a first date to a magic show

FYI those little crosses along the interstate aren't for squirrel crucifixions. I was wrong.

Helen Keller wrote 12 books and I just put my shirt on inside out.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous and six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

Last night I wore a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accused him of having an affair with Minnie until I was forcibly removed & arrested.

I ran out of Anti-Depressants, so I'm drinking my bottle of No More Tears Shampoo.
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