A is for ME Funny Status Messages

   I like my women like I like my beer.... gone when I'm finished!

   My mother never understood the irony in calling me a ”son-of-a-b!tch.”

   The McRib is like the IRS...Both come around once a year, and when they do everybody cringes!!!

   Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use dryer sheets again!

   likes movies where the guy gets the girl in the end. That's why I like porn@ movies, because the guy usually gets the girl in both ends.

   How do I explain to a coworker, that she is not a size 6…that EVERY pair of pants she wears she has a Camel Toe…and EVERYONE has noticed!

   My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.

   I just saw that Harry Potter movie. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with 2 friends?

   met this girl at the pub and she told me her ‘sex was on fire'. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.

   The smallest woman can break the biggest man in the world with three little words: Is it in?