@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Dear Dad, thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
←Rate | 06-17-2012 07:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my GF I was buying her some diamonds for her birthday. She said that nothing would please her more. So I got her nothing.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spain made over 800 passes in last night's game. The only way England could make that many is if we enter Wayne Rooney on Mastermind.
←Rate | 06-15-2012 10:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tulisa, sexiest woman in the world? I wouldn't even have her down as the sexiest woman in N-Dubz.
←Rate | 05-02-2012 08:39 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with plants. I said "For f-cks sake petal, where has this stemmed from?"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:07 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ok, so I've got my petrol home. Now where am I supposed to store it all? The bath is already full of stamps and pasties.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 14:40 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon The price for fags have been increased by 37p. One Direction tickets now cost £40.37
←Rate | 03-24-2012 16:30 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks 4 ur order from our sex shop, you asked 4 the large red dildo as featured on our wall. Please re-select, that is our fire extinguisher
←Rate | 03-24-2012 16:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together", said Fabrice.
←Rate | 03-24-2012 15:52 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a soberphobic.
←Rate | 03-18-2012 11:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every Sunday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!
←Rate | 03-18-2012 11:12 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Success at age: 2- Not pissing your pants 12-13- Having friends 16-17-Having sex 20-35 Making money 40-50-Making money 60-65-Having sex 70-75- Having friends 80-100 Not pissing your pants
←Rate | 03-17-2012 18:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor just told me I'm a compulsive liar. Then she gave me a blow job in her office.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 11:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just had my Valentine's day card off Moonpig... She hates it when I call her that.
←Rate | 02-14-2012 13:24 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's claimed Macaulay Culkin's health problems are linked to a difficult childhood. No sh1t. His parents forgot to take him on holiday 4 times.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 15:13 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon I imagine Fabio Capello has resigned to concentrate fully on his commitments as one of the Dolmio puppets.
←Rate | 02-08-2012 16:31 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got sacked as a bingo caller tonight. Apparently "a meal for two with a terrible view" wasn't the best way to announce the number 69....
←Rate | 02-05-2012 14:00 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man who saved a 10 year old girl from being abducted claims to be an illegal immigrant. Great, now they're stealing Batman's job too.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 08:17 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found my wife's vibrator the other day. Now I'm not saying it was big but I'm seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 11:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mate just texted me saying, "I wanna read a book. what wud you recommend?" "The Oxford English Dictionary" I replied.
←Rate | 01-17-2012 16:12 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


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