svaldez187 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Today is Fat Tuesday, and of course, this being America, it will be followed by Even Fatter Wednesday, Obese Thursday and Fat-A$$ Friday.
←Rate | 02-21-2012 13:12 by Svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm... but I wasnt finished..
←Rate | 03-06-2012 12:54 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got the solution to this whole anti-gay mess with the fast foods. I'm just going to open a pro-gay franchise and call it Chik-fil-HAAAAAAY *snap*
←Rate | 08-02-2012 14:40 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say "when your palm itches, you are going to receive money". My butt itches... I bet I don't get SH*T¡
←Rate | 09-28-2012 16:35 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The beauty of life is that Vodka looks like water.....and water bottles are allowed at work.
←Rate | 10-01-2012 14:40 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get with me you will be (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2
←Rate | 10-15-2012 17:43 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm not saying i'm batman but answer me this have you ever seen me and batman in the same room?
←Rate | 10-17-2012 21:55 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart........ "WHAT DA HELL WAS THAT?!?!?!" shouted the anus two minutes later.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 12:42 by SVALDEZ187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Sunday, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour. And on Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years...VOTE!!!
←Rate | 11-02-2012 18:12 by svaldez187 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I feel bad for the kids these days that see a cool toy on TV, but can't order it because their parents have to be over 18 to call.
←Rate | 11-08-2012 12:59 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmmm....the red nose? the flying? aiding in transporting? and nervousness? Its obvious Rudolph has a cocaine problem.
←Rate | 12-04-2012 17:23 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy alentines ay: for those who wont be getting the V or the D.
←Rate | 02-15-2013 01:33 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And this year's Oscar (Pistorius) goes to ....... Jail. (͡๏̯͡๏)
←Rate | 02-25-2013 00:18 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work.
←Rate | 02-27-2013 21:28 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q: what does a nosy pepper do? A: it gets jalapeño your business. (o.O)
←Rate | 03-11-2013 02:11 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon White smoke emerges from Vatican chimney, indicating either the new pope has been chosen or the chicken fajitas are ready.
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:52 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 01:20 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so...it seems they announced the new Batman. Christian Bale fans have really Ben Affleckted by it.
←Rate | 08-24-2013 11:34 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...what do you mean I can't get change from the church collection plate? I only have $20s.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 10:30 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wait....what if the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney’s advertising campaign for Frozen?
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:35 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  


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