shoesan Funny Status Messages

   The White House Tuesday argued "President Barack Obama's "steady diplomacy" had made America stronger and renewed its moral authority in his first year in office"..............WOW that kool aide they drink IS Powerful STUFF!!

   4 things you can't recover: The stone..after the throw. The word..after it's said. The occasion..after it's missed. The time..after it's gone.

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!

   Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

   All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

   not stalking you. By the way, you are out of sugar.

   This has been idiot week. Thank you so much for participating!!

   We have women in the military, but we don't put them in the front lines. We don't know if they can fight or if they can kill. I think they can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look f

   My new life goal is to do something worthy of being on a commemorative plate while holding a commemorative plate.

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   gonna miss Gaddafi's outfits. He makes Lady Gaga look like Johnny Cash

   wondering why buy grapes with seeds when the convenience of a seedless grape is right there

   American Idol would be more exciting if there was a trap door contestants fell through immediately upon hearing the news of being sent home

   Whenever someone says "Expect the unexpected" I get the urge to smack them and say "It's not as good as it sounds, is it?"

   ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap

   I get so tired of the same old BS...can't I get a little BS variety?

   Friends are like underwear.... Some crawl up your butt... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little twisted... Some are your favorite.Some are cheap & just plain nasty.And some actually do cover your butt

   When I'm really bored at work I like to write "I'm watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.