david Funny Status Messages

   If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

   wtf why does everyone on facebook think there models?

   If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a helpful lizard putting a city back together and leaving afterwards.

   If you watch Rambo backwards, it's about a medic with a magical bullet vacuum.

   Forget a 5 star chick... I rather have a 6 flag chick... More flags more fun!!!

   Beauty is common... significance is rare

   Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!

   If Pluto is a dwarf planet and not a real planet, are dwarf people not real people?

   throwing the new MySpace Profile out with the trash where it belongs :)

   If you are late to special ed is it proper for the teacher to say that you are tardy?

   You give that porn actress an award?, she sucks! Nevermind....

   Hey Prince William, I'mma let you finish and all, but we had the most historic event OF ALL TIME.

   I truly don't understand the needs for ladies 70 and above to bath in their perfume, unless their trying to kill their husband.

   i guess if you got the last name weiner, you better advertise it!

   A true friend sees the first tear... catches the second... and stops the third

   Falling In Love With You Is The Second Best Thing I Have Done .. Finding You Is The First ♥ ..

   on a (̅_̅_̅(̲̲̲̲̲̅̅̅̅̅̅(̅_̅_̲̅м̲̅a̲̅я̲̅l̲̅b̲̅o̲̅r̲̅o̲̅̅ ̅_̅_̅()ڪے break !!

   Tsunami? Wild Fires? Tornadoes? Hurricanes? Earthquakes?...I thought we had til 2012?

   Some people around me are alive because I can't afford a hitman....!

   I'm doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve multi orgazims. Don't worry if you can't come! For those of you that will come...Sign the guest, list below!