Tom Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon just Manny being Manny
←Rate | 10-23-2008 11:47 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon In it's purest sense, redistribution of wealth is when I buy dogfood, feed it to my dogs, and they sh#t it out all over my yard...
←Rate | 03-26-2010 09:29 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rain with sunshine today... the devil must be beating his wife.
←Rate | 03-26-2010 09:32 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I sit I wonder is it illegal to park in a handicapped bathroom stahl?
←Rate | 04-27-2010 17:51 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:26 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've had bratwurst for 4 days straight. I think that means I have to pay taxes in Wisconsin now.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 20:07 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Death hands you lemons, just eat them. Peels and all. It really doesn't matter at that point.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:12 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop laughing at Ziggy. He obviously has a medical condition.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:13 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon This economy is so bad I actually saw a guy in the back of a limo hand another guy in a limo a bottle of generic yellow mustard.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:14 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on, whenever my toilet gets clogged I'm going to call it a "top kill."
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:17 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet if Andy Capp's wife took that stupid rag off her head and dolled herself up a bit, maybe he wouldnt have to get drunk all the time...
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:53 by Tom Comments (1)  


   messageicon The price of gold is at an all-time high. If I were a young rap artist, I think I'd ride out the storm in graduate school.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:55 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:56 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone checked on Tupac lately? He hasn't put out a posthumous album in quite a few years.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:58 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon A rolling stone gathers no moss, and that's the last time I hire Keith Richards to do my landscaping...
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:03 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon It would be amazing if hyenas could watch a bunch of '80's films and start to employ the slow clap when being particularly derisive...
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:04 by Tom Comments (2)  


   messageicon Just spent several minutes looking at photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Now I'm going to cure cancer...
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:07 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are busting my balls because I still have a landline. I can't get rid of it though because it matches my abacus....
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:13 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I exit a public toilet, I make sweaty eye contact with the person waiting & say "Top that, cowboy."
←Rate | 08-19-2010 21:26 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon just found out red bull has no bull in it -- going back to beef shakes
←Rate | 08-19-2010 21:30 by Tom Comments (0)  


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