Susan Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My left nipple is 3 minutes slower than my right at hardening.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 23:49 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no statement as powerful as a man crying. I guess I should stop hitting him.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:20 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read an article about women being over thinkers. I've thought about it for a week. I definitely don't fall under that category.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:21 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm high tolerance and low maintenance. What more could you ask for in a girlfriend?
←Rate | 09-29-2012 08:46 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Playing with my hair will get you anything you want.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 09:43 by Susan Comments (1)  


   messageicon As a woman, I always take good care of my eyes coz they are the only balls I have.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 07:00 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone seen my shake weight?
←Rate | 10-06-2012 10:20 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite sex position is any one where I'm not sitting alone, eating nachos and high-fiving my cat.
←Rate | 10-08-2012 13:31 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want a man who knows the difference between… Its/It's… Your/You're… Two/To/Too… Their/There/They're… and eats my pu$$y like a pro.
←Rate | 10-08-2012 13:34 by Susan Comments (1)  


   messageicon If we're standing there kissing and my hands are in your pants, I'm what you'd call a sure thing.
←Rate | 10-14-2012 06:32 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be the reason you pee in six different directions every morning.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 14:43 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon There will be no sandwiches after sex. There will be either sleep or death. Enough with the sandwich talk.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 02:01 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how independent I am, I can never bang myself...So yes men, I still need you.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 13:20 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called "a lot."
←Rate | 10-18-2012 12:54 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls pick jerks over nice guys the same way guys pick sluts over cool girls.. we are all idiots.
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:11 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:24 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Tequila, Why do you make me so angry and so horny all at once?
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:15 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Light beer is for pregnant women and p ussies!
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:27 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing shows over-familiarity like leaving just your socks on.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:37 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 12:58 by Susan Comments (0)  


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