Smeebert Funny Status Messages

   a certain sign of who will wear the pants suit in your marriage is when the wedding reception has a Vegan menu and a gluten-free cake!

   making Holy Water by boiling the Hell out of it.

   I hate it when someone text me to call them, then when you call they never answer

   Feds are indicting Clemens for perjury, said they knew he was on steriods when they saw his nose grow

   Levi Johnston is part native, he just took back his apology to Palin

   I bribed a cop this morning, handed him my drivers license with a doughnut underneath

   before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something

   hates getting texts or calls on my iphone it interrupts my game, don't call me!

   whoever dies with the most friends on facebook wins

   Why do we protect movie ticket nerds behind 4inches of glass and a bank teller with only a pen on a chain?

   making "fruitcakes" out of stuff I find under my sofa cushions

   finding the Christmas spirit, now if only I can find someone who is in the giving mood to pay

   if I wanted patience I would have been a doctor!

   I just watched the "Notebook" & "Rudy" ...NO I didn't cry! but I want to go out for an ice cream now

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.

   I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

   Met my new gf, a spark came between us…..WOW those taser guns are well worth the money!

   You said you would go out with me only if it were our last day on earth... my pickup line tonight

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   Watching this NBA game makes me miss the great Larry Bird days, now its all showboating and apparently there is an "I" in team.