Sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?
←Rate | 04-05-2010 10:12 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't call me sugar, call me Splenda. I'm artificially sweet.
←Rate | 04-12-2010 13:24 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 17:18 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why hasn't Sears made a riding vacuum cleaner?
←Rate | 12-05-2010 23:59 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you're in a committed relationship, doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 15:58 by sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a d ick I'd definitely get it stuck in something it wasn't supposed to be in by the end of the first day.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 13:05 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don't exist. He's busy vacuuming now.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 14:23 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I bend over for any reason and you don't immediately come behind and air hump me, you're not my kinda guy.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 12:51 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon This misfiring soap dispenser reminds me of you!
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:15 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd let you hold my boob before I'd let you hold my cell phone.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:26 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am woman, hear me give you the silent treatment.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:33 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My nipples don't understand that I am going to a decent place.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 13:41 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my boyfriend couldn't get me off last night, I slapped him in the face and yelled, "See! This is why you can't have nice things!"
←Rate | 12-19-2012 00:07 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon 95% of my problems can be traced back to waiting on a man to do the right thing.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 00:16 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate going to bed on an empty v@gina :(
←Rate | 12-22-2012 02:46 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my men like I like my ice. Crushed and melts away within a reasonable time so I don't have to deal with it.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 03:06 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, that's more like it.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 06:56 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My warning label would simply read: Take me regularly. In case of overdose, enjoy.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 11:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear young guys who don't know what Cougars are: Let me introduce myself.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 13:56 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon My boobs are nice so I don't have to be.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 12:41 by Sarah Comments (1)  


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