Michael Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon one beer short of a six pack
←Rate | 11-23-2008 19:06 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon lost his teddy bear... Will you sleep with me?
←Rate | 03-20-2009 00:04 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:37 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!
←Rate | 02-16-2010 17:42 by Michael Comments (3)  


   messageicon Just figured out how to stop the oil spill! Put a wedding ring on it and it will never put out again.
←Rate | 06-17-2010 12:10 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took a nap today... Fell asleep watching golf and woke up and softball was on. That might explain the dream with the lesbians.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 10:25 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon it considered cheating if you have to kiss your boss' ass?
←Rate | 08-09-2010 10:49 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first testicular guard “Cup” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. We have our priorities…
←Rate | 09-28-2010 11:16 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to hang out at Wal-Mart for a bit so I can feel better about myself.
←Rate | 09-30-2010 13:43 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey mylife, I can promise you, 28 people are NOT searching for me! Quit lying!
←Rate | 10-07-2010 13:13 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.
←Rate | 10-12-2010 10:57 by Michael Comments (2)  


   messageicon One of the guys who works for me down south called in sick early this morning. He sounded like death! I ask, “How sick are you?” and he said, “I just got done doing my sister, is that sick enough for you?”
←Rate | 10-15-2010 09:55 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walked into the bank today and asked the teller if she could check my balance… She leaned over and pushed me.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 16:26 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy in the bathroom: In the Army they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. Me: In the Marine Corp they taught us not to piss on our hands.
←Rate | 10-21-2010 12:42 by Michael Comments (3)  


   messageicon My wife asked me if she could get a boob job today. I told her to take some toilette paper, rub it in between her boobs once or twice a day for a couple months. She asked me why, I said, “It worked on your butt, didn't it?”
←Rate | 10-22-2010 10:28 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why are condoms like cameras? They both capture the moment.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 13:21 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next time someone annoys you so much you just wanna slap them… Do it and say, “Mosquito” and quickly walk away.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 11:01 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the founding fathers were alive they wouldn't tolerate this. Why should we?
←Rate | 10-27-2010 13:45 by Michael Comments (4)  


   messageicon If standing up for the constitution makes me an extremist, then yes, I am!
←Rate | 10-27-2010 13:45 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Greatest txt msg of the day: Wow, I felt guilty this morning when I woke up after the dream I had about you!
←Rate | 10-29-2010 10:14 by Michael Comments (1)  


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