Mduduzi Funny Status Messages

   not an alcoholic, just a drunk that's scared of a hangover?

   Working for God does not pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world

   Who was the best comedian/stage performer in the Bible? ANS: Samson. He brought the house down.

   Stop telling me to stop drinking; even the bible says He brews.

   The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!

   just passed an INCOMPETENCE test with flying colors!

   * Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

   The definiton of success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: So to be successful, set low standards, to be a failure and frustrated, set very high standards.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

   If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

   The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

   Be careful when someone wants to take you to ANOTHER LEVEL, I listened to that and now I am in another level, but much lower than I was before!

   I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into her again.

   I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his c**k wakes me up, and it is getting too much.