MTQ Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Congressman Weiner's wife: "ANTHONY!!! I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!"
←Rate | 06-14-2011 12:46 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
←Rate | 06-14-2011 12:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon if our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. what do chinese people use? tooth picks?
←Rate | 06-14-2011 13:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am "THE GOD OF FLAKES."
←Rate | 06-15-2011 07:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon one of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 00:50 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can someone text me a donut?
←Rate | 07-01-2011 10:26 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm going to go to the trouble of wishing your sorry, unknown, only 87 friends a$$ a happy birthday, the least you could do is acknowledge it with a "like".
←Rate | 07-28-2011 20:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe I've just serendipitously solved the world's energy crisis. They need to start using English Muffins as insulation. Those things retain heat for an eternity after they pop out of the toaster. (I didn't need these fingertips anyway.)
←Rate | 07-29-2011 12:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some women are wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
←Rate | 07-30-2011 10:20 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe Charmin Bathroom Tissue. I shared with them a great marketing slogan, and they rejected it: "Just like the Starship Enterprise, Charmin circles Uranus in search of Klingons."
←Rate | 07-30-2011 13:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got my name tattooed on my p*n*s. My girl goes, "Stop trying to put words in my mouth."
←Rate | 08-07-2011 18:59 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just took a typing test. 160 words per minute. The word was "a". That counts, right?
←Rate | 08-09-2011 10:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna lose weight? Try the grapefruit diet. Eat something...follow with half a grapefruit. Eat something else...half a grapefruit. So far today I've had 94 grapefruits.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 13:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why doesn't facebook just change the Poke to what it really means. "Bend over, I'll drive."
←Rate | 08-12-2011 07:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
←Rate | 08-13-2011 01:10 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who are, "Just sayin'" should try, "Just shutting the f**k up."
←Rate | 08-13-2011 08:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love it when a fat person says, "That's the way I roll."
←Rate | 08-18-2011 20:40 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you know it's rude to talk while I'm interrupting?
←Rate | 08-20-2011 07:39 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 17:23 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

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