MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."
←Rate | 08-22-2010 17:59 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:03 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think this person in the bank drive thru in front of me is refinancing their mortgage.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:04 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's this bullsh*t that Pandora is telling me that I've gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! This is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:07 by MBH Comments (2)  


   messageicon If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:08 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:09 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon I'm at that very brief period of drunk right now where I love my life and everybody in it.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:11 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girlfriend caught you looking at another woman? Turn to your girl and tell her that you're glad she doesn't dress like that.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:12 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Driving school wouldn't be so bad if cops started giving tickets to all the hot girls they pull over.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:14 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:15 by MBH Comments (4)  


   messageicon Hey, candy bar companies: My bite size far exceeds your pathetic estimates.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:21 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are few things in life more relieving than having a cop turn off the road after following you for an extended period of time.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:24 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, you idiot cat, if you don't want me to rub your belly then quit rolling around and exposing it to me. Quit biting me.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, cute waitress, I just took a bite big enough to choke an ox, now is the perfect time for you to ask me how everything is.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:28 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon Thanks for the passive aggressive facebook status about me, but I'm taking the passively passive approach by not caring.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:30 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Tits" is such a friendly word. You can't say "tits" without smiling. I only typed it and I'm smiling right now.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:31 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how bad I have to go, I will hold it until I'm clocked back in after lunch. If I have to be here, you WILL pay me to use the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:35 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If all of the whitening brightening toothpaste I used delivered, my teeth would now be fluorescent.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:38 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today my friend told me that she's "addicted" to running. The only way I'm becoming "addicted" to running is if I'm also "addicted" to being chased by wild animals or the cops.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:43 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop looking at your phone. No one texted you.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 05:34 by MBH Comments (0)  


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