Jerry Carter Funny Status Messages

   You can only put the wheels on a wagon so many times, then it's time for a new wagon!

   We were so close, I never noticed I had been deleted as a friend.

   Makeup, soda, sandwich, texting, talking, then I realized she was driving the car in front of me, in traffic.

   If you want to know anything, come over to my house...my wife apparently knows everything.

   Bad reaction to medication. I will never buy my meds from the trunk of a Buick again!

   Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.

   I just checked. There are no restraining orders against you. There's no reason you can't attend church!!!!

   We thought a 747 was landing in the hall last night. After checking everything out it was just a central air unit flying south for the summer!

   Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!

   I asked the attendant for 5 bucks worth of gas, so he farted and gave me a receipt!!

   I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!

   Time to buy groceries. More food in a crack house than around here!

   If you lost $10,000.00 dollars, all hundreds, held together in a roll with a rubber band, give me a call. I found your rubber band. You just need to identify it.

   It's so hot outside, Our hummingbirds are demanding red gatorade!

   It is so hot, and I have typed so much, I am having to dunk my fingers in gatorade to keep them from cramping!

   Does this mean Obama can blame Bush for the health care reform tax....After all it was Bush's appointment that was the swing vote.

   Zombies are dropping dead all over Washington, and other state capitals. Reports by foxnews say they are starving to death, due to no significant brain tissue in these areas!!!

   Any kids dressed as Obama, who have worked real hard and have a bunch of candy, will be required to give it to me, cause I had rather have took a nap instead of collecting my own candy. Thank you!

   Dopers all over the United States morn as Hostess announces it is shutting down operations. No more sno-balls, Twinkies, King Dons, and other comfort foods. On a brighter note, stock in Cheetoes has gone thru the roof!!!!!

   You know it's getting bad when you are shopping at wal mart and some little wise eyed kid runs up in front of you and starts yelling stranger danger at the top of her lungs. I was just lucky the lady working in lingerie knew I was there and was helping me