Grifter Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You and I wake up in jail together. Using only FOUR words, what would you say to me? Leave me a comment.... Then copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(if you make a comment you have to put this in your status)
←Rate | 10-07-2010 00:45 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon A law that made it illegal to lie about military medals has just been overturned. On a side note, my resumé just got a lot more interesting......
←Rate | 10-16-2010 11:51 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just wish my mouth had a backspace key....
←Rate | 10-19-2010 21:31 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a politician is a lot like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're screwing them....
←Rate | 11-20-2010 11:09 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed....
←Rate | 11-20-2010 11:21 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case...
←Rate | 11-23-2010 20:54 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon got his test results back this morning and is shocked to find that he's been diagnosed with OCD. He's called the doctors nine times to check if they're correct....
←Rate | 11-23-2010 20:56 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks....
←Rate | 11-28-2010 10:18 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a bookstore last night and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose....
←Rate | 11-28-2010 10:21 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up...
←Rate | 11-28-2010 10:22 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car....
←Rate | 11-28-2010 10:23 by Grifter Comments (4)  


   messageicon The Pope mobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God!" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 05:32 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat"
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:22 by Grifter Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fun idea of the day: Don't have kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.....
←Rate | 12-28-2010 21:02 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire....
←Rate | 03-02-2011 16:28 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol....
←Rate | 03-03-2011 08:48 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be great if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people?
←Rate | 03-04-2011 08:57 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?
←Rate | 03-15-2011 09:11 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar....
←Rate | 08-10-2011 17:05 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could commute to work by roller-coaster....
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:22 by Grifter Comments (0)  


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