Goober Peas Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I seen the most awesome black colored horse the other day. If she was mine, I'd call her ShaNeighNeigh ツ
←Rate | 08-29-2012 10:37 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone's cell phone when they aren't looking is pretty good too ツ
←Rate | 08-30-2012 10:16 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he's prolly just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, thats what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together ツ
←Rate | 09-05-2012 10:14 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just seen a place advertising pink wipers. Personally, I don't care what color they are as long as they don't start gagging and call me disgusting like my last wiper did ツ
←Rate | 10-10-2012 14:41 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Uhhh... 'cause you've got white stuff all over your butt." ~ Guy who's really bad at pick-up lines ツ
←Rate | 12-08-2012 15:40 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter... C'MON MOM, KNOCK IT OFF! ツ
←Rate | 12-10-2012 10:16 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the back of the couch and you're not even reading this anymore are you...
←Rate | 12-18-2012 11:52 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon iPhone Users Warning: Texting someone that you want to kiss them under the 'mistletoe' takes on a whole new meaning when auto-corrected to 'cameltoe'. FYI ツ
←Rate | 12-24-2012 11:42 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh bloody hell! Someone has eaten all of the figgy pudding! ツ
←Rate | 12-25-2012 14:21 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon My love for bacon is kinda like diarrhea... I just can't hold it in ツ
←Rate | 12-28-2012 09:37 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you get when you alternate eating cheese and granola? Natures very own 'thunder beads'! BOOM! ツ
←Rate | 12-31-2012 20:17 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opportunity only knocks once. If there's any more than that, it's prolly a Jehovah's Witness ツ
←Rate | 01-02-2013 19:20 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, I'll be responding to all questions with 'interpretive dance', so a lot of you are going to miss some of the hilarity that ensues ツ
←Rate | 01-04-2013 09:06 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy, if it keeps snowing, someone's gonna haveta shovel the darn driveway. I think I'll text her ツ
←Rate | 01-06-2013 11:58 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's looks like a, 'brush my teeth on my shirt sleeve and head to Walmart' kinda day ツ
←Rate | 01-06-2013 12:27 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not? ツ
←Rate | 01-06-2013 14:24 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a passionate supporter of things that don't inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort ツ
←Rate | 01-08-2013 10:58 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon Healthy Marriage Tip #43: Apologize for the dream your wife had about you. Yeah, I know... apologize anyway ツ
←Rate | 01-08-2013 22:42 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't rest until I find a cure for this darn insomnia! ツ
←Rate | 01-09-2013 15:02 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know, if I slouch in my chair at just the right angle, my fat rolls into a pretty impressive '3-pack'. Heck, I'm half way to sexy town ツ
←Rate | 01-10-2013 12:42 by Goober Peas Comments (0)  


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