Gil Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?
←Rate | 12-11-2010 03:09 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Rudolph commits suicide after Santa upgrades to GPS
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:48 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Kardashians, your 15 minutes was up a few months ago...
←Rate | 12-24-2010 20:48 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon only 4 more days before you all make resolutions you won't keep anyway
←Rate | 12-27-2010 08:25 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating websites should model themselves after facebook, with an ugly button.
←Rate | 01-19-2011 23:36 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?…. Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 14:42 by Gil Comments (1)  


   messageicon Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?
←Rate | 02-11-2011 12:12 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, some poems rhyme, others don't
←Rate | 02-14-2011 17:51 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year's national billiards tournament in Vegas was cancelled. Charlie Sheen bought up all the eight-balls.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 11:48 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure when Charlie Sheen said he had "Tiger Blood" in him, he was referring to the golfer, not the animal. duh!..Winner!
←Rate | 03-08-2011 04:54 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is International Women's day AND ALSO Fat Tuesday.. Coincidence??...I think not
←Rate | 03-08-2011 14:10 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon HPAPY ST PTARCIK'S DYA. Kiss me, I'm drunkish!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 07:53 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year.
←Rate | 03-23-2011 20:37 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ziplock: making a fortune off potheads since 1980
←Rate | 04-05-2011 16:08 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon This purple unicorn sitting next to me, while smoking a crack pipe, is saying that I drink too much. I told him to stop smoking crack cocaine. Stupid unicorn drug addicts.
←Rate | 04-11-2011 16:18 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...
←Rate | 04-11-2011 16:30 by Gil Comments (1)  


   messageicon After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 18:47 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"
←Rate | 04-13-2011 11:20 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear T-Rex, Brontosaurus, & Velociraptor. Sorry I ran out of space on my Ark for you.... Noah
←Rate | 04-21-2011 21:21 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90% of the prison poulation believes in God. 90% of The Academy of Sciences are atheists. Personally, I'd rather have the guy in the white lab coat as a bunk mate
←Rate | 04-21-2011 21:56 by Gil Comments (0)  


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