BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon For those of you whose FB picks I stalk late at night, it's only because your dog started barking when I was at your window!!
←Rate | 03-30-2012 01:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Jesus loves you." It's so nice to hear that said to oneself in church!! ... "Jesus loves you." A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison!!
←Rate | 04-21-2012 23:40 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Britt's..... I'm one of those "Smelly Fuck" Americans and I have a question for you... I found this old looking sword that has "Property of Cornwallis" stamped on the blade somewhere near Yorktown.... Does it belong to one of you guys?
←Rate | 04-27-2012 01:52 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to see a random stranger gut-punch the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientific fact: Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. You're welcome all my future 120 yr old FB friends!!!
←Rate | 01-14-2013 12:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex education, the ONLY class I ever did home work for!!
←Rate | 01-24-2013 21:31 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Windshield Wipers, "Can't Touch This!!" ... Sincerely, The Little Triangle
←Rate | 02-08-2013 18:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Northern Liberal tree huggers.......Winter Storm Nemo says FU and your global warming!!!
←Rate | 02-08-2013 18:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon 98% of my old High School friends here on Facebook used Math tutors to excel in class. The other 13% used me......
←Rate | 02-08-2013 18:25 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 23:58 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love a good political joke. Unless it gets elected president...
←Rate | 02-23-2013 02:33 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Normally, having a pillow fight used to be fun, until "Memory Foam" made an appearance, now it's a class C Felony
←Rate | 02-23-2013 02:34 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just checked my credit score. Damn it!!! They won.
←Rate | 02-23-2013 02:37 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Online dating creeps me out! I'll stick with good old-fashioned prison pen-pals.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 13:20 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I discovered last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee in the middle of the night......Is sleeping right through them.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 13:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping...... On a side note; Police report that there has been no progress made in an attempt to identify the "naked man" seen streaking out of the mall's wishing fountain.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 13:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apocalypse Update - Day 68 (Deep within my Command Bunker): Finally received a TV signal. The only channel I could get was "E" network. Kim Kardasian is knocked up!! The "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" begins!! Well played Mayans, well played!!
←Rate | 02-27-2013 12:01 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The kids down the street have challenged me to a squirt gun fight. I'm just killing time updating my FB status while I wait for the kettle to boil.
←Rate | 03-04-2013 12:19 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can never decide whether "Every Breath You Take" by The Police is incredibly sweet, or incredibly terrifying
←Rate | 03-05-2013 22:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Diary: "I’m not sure how much longer I can hide the fact that I’m a robot
←Rate | 03-06-2013 16:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


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