Banjaxed Funny Status Messages

   At a meeting last night Bill gates and Steve Jobs were both in attendance , when Gates started dozing off , Jobs replied "There's a nap for that"

   wonders if the fake Irish accents on the Irish Spring commercials can sound anymore bogus , I've met a lot of people from Ireland and NONE of hem talked like that

   The closest I come to cooking with gas is when I break wind while frying a steak

   was going to go to Walmart today but my tie dyed t-shirt and my sweatpants with whole in the arse of em were in the wash, besides , I had a haircut yesteday and it's neat and tidy , I just wouldn't have fit in

   Please do not open any messages from me that are entitled "Do not open , This is a virus which will destroy your hard drive then come to your house and donkey punch you in the back of the head"

   I was at Mcdonalds today when a rather large woman served me , when she finally gave me my order she said "sorry about the wait" and I said "Don't worry sweetheart , you'll lose it eventually"

   driving and texting on his new cell pho......sweet merciful Jesus , He's heading right toward us .....freaking maniac

   me and the wife do it doggy style , I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead

   Answered the door today and a giant grasshopper spit in my face and kicked me hard in the shin , I phoned my doctor and he said not to worry , there was a really nasty bug going around

   once had a Hangover so bad I had to put sneakers on the cat

   Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them

   has a hangover so bad that the only thing keeping him alive is the hope that he'll drop dead

   My Neighbors just bough me a new Seiko , I think they misunderstood me when they asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said I wanna watch

   Confucious say man who not married not quite ready , when he get married he finished

   lindsay Lohan and Charle Sheen have signed for a new sit com called 2 and 1/2 grams

   Good Morning , I see the assassins have failed

   Dear lady in front of me , It is a speed bump , not a freaking land mine

   It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.

   My wife and I do it Doggy Style , I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead

   What king od socks do Pirate wear?......AAAARRRGYLE