@topherjordan Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I was raised by two really amazing parents, so you can only imagine how much work I had to do to turn out to be this $@^#&! of a person.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 16:01 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in a Long Distance Relationship....My Girlfriend Lives in the Future!
←Rate | 06-04-2012 16:08 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm going to procrastinate tomorrow......but I haven't decided.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 04:53 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I slept like a baby last night! (I woke up crying because I was hungry)
←Rate | 07-03-2012 10:25 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't sleep knowing that a sexy girl is horny somewhere.
←Rate | 07-15-2012 04:22 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, are they going to place Joe Paterno's statue in the library to remind people to keep quiet?
←Rate | 07-22-2012 07:51 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate arrogant people....It's like they think they're better than me...No one is better than me!
←Rate | 07-22-2012 17:27 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spelled something so badly that my autocorrect had to LOL.
←Rate | 07-26-2012 03:36 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person
←Rate | 07-26-2012 22:32 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no place like home. (to poop)
←Rate | 07-27-2012 23:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was born at a very early age.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 04:19 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wake up easy most of the time, but every now and then, I wake up hard.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 04:22 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is that when a girl says, "I'm going to die alone," it elicits sympathetic awws, but when I say it people just nod uncomfortably...
←Rate | 07-28-2012 05:10 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're home alone and wearing pants, you're doing it wrong!
←Rate | 07-29-2012 01:46 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I quit believing in reincarnation several lives ago.
←Rate | 07-29-2012 11:20 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance! *this fb status had been approved and paid for by Alcohol
←Rate | 07-29-2012 15:35 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see you speeding up when I'm trying to pass you. Why couldn't you go this fast when I was behind you?
←Rate | 08-01-2012 02:54 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know my limit....until I start drinking
←Rate | 08-01-2012 03:20 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a shout out to all my friends that like shout outs!
←Rate | 08-19-2012 14:45 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a dream last night that everyone I loved abandoned me. Morgan Freeman was there too. Man. That guy's in everything.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 13:42 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  



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