scottyp Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I tried to look up the Kelly Blue Book value of my car and it said before it could tell me it needed to know how much gas was in it....
←Rate | 02-07-2011 14:55 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so all of my friends know, If I ever say the phrase "okie dokie artichokie" to you, it's a signal and means I've either been kidnapped or I'm wearing a wire. One of the two
←Rate | 03-30-2011 08:25 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.
←Rate | 03-01-2011 20:19 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon In case anyone is wondering, it's 72 degrees and partly cloudy in India today. The only reason I know this is because I just had a pleasant conversation with a Customer Service rep from Bank of America....
←Rate | 02-20-2012 09:42 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just pulled up beside a police car on the highway and waved frantically for him to pull off to the side. When he did, I walked up slowly to his window and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over today, sir?" He didn't find it as amusing as me.......
←Rate | 01-08-2011 18:10 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear cellphone companies: please invent a "unsend my text" option
←Rate | 03-13-2011 21:08 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somehow, hitting the 'end call' button on the cell phone just doesn't feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 19:53 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..
←Rate | 01-11-2011 16:44 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he's a lamp...what does he know....
←Rate | 01-02-2014 19:44 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when another guy friend of mine is trying to be humorous, all I can think is, "That would be so much funnier if you had tits"........
←Rate | 04-09-2011 07:28 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....
←Rate | 01-12-2011 11:13 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting pretty damn close to "country music" drunk......
←Rate | 01-08-2011 21:52 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to learn yoga.....I'm pretty sure that I have the "Moron lying on his ass" move perfected
←Rate | 01-20-2011 19:33 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess today has been pretty good. I haven't had to slap one single person yet....
←Rate | 02-08-2011 17:20 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decisions always make for really good stories........and I always seem to have a LOT of really good stories....
←Rate | 01-18-2011 08:54 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Middle Age---When you sit at home and Saturday night and the phone rings and you really hope it's not for you...
←Rate | 02-01-2011 14:45 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????
←Rate | 04-14-2011 19:04 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"
←Rate | 01-11-2011 14:09 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon From what I can tell, a Boomerang is just a Frisbee for people who don't have any friends...
←Rate | 01-26-2011 13:30 by scottyp Comments (3)  


   messageicon Dear Mr. Pinto Bean, I'm very sorry I ate you and a couple of hundred of your friends, but there is no need for you to panic and plot your escape.....
←Rate | 01-25-2011 07:32 by scottyp Comments (0)  



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