gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

   facebook needs a "settle down" button you tap on a friend's profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately.

   It's complicated" is just code for, "I'm willing to cheat."

   As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird.

   Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, a wild trap door appears and prove me wrong.

   I have just enough ketchup packets in my desk drawer at work to successfully fake my own death

   I fingered you in 8th grade. I don't want to have a 15 minute conversation with you and your husband at Best Buy.

   A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.

   i do believe my fake laugh is ready to go pro.

   surprisingly Going on a killing spree has a minimal impact on your credit score.

   "Hey Let's agree to disagree, and then accomplish nothing as we focus on our reelections." -Congress

   Going to a strip club in the middle of the day can be so depressing. Especially if you catch the end of your mom's shift.

   Def Need a " facebook filter" to prevent all the weddings and babies from showing up on my feed.

   I hate it when I read something on her3 thats so funny that I burst out laughing it makes my neighbors realize that I'm hiding under their bed.

   Getting really into filling life's emptiness with carbs.

   If I can see you, you're invading my personal space.

   I texted my girlfriend "goodnight, love you" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings.

   heyy Good work! everyone trying to take down big corporations with their statuses on facebook, posted from macbooks, paid for with credit cards.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   Best magic trick I ever pulled was making a house a boat and two motorcycles disappear into bag of cocaine.