TS Funny Status Messages

   I think a duck's opinion of me, is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!

   it appropriate for a receptionist at a sperm clinic to tell their clients "thanks for coming" as they leave?

   Pepperidge Farms bread is fancy stuff. It's wrapped twice. So when you open it, it's still not open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need that extra step between me and toast!

   I bet virgin wool comes from really ugly sheep!

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I order coffee at Starbucks and tell them my name is Bueller.....Then just leave!

   I'm not saying she was tall, but the woman could hunt geese with a rake!

   The difference between a girls track team and a group of pygmy lawyers is.....The lawyers are cunning runts!

   I lose interest in books and movies that take place in the past because, hello, I know I turn out just fine.

   I would imagine if you understood morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!

   I have a telescope in the peep hole of my door, so I can see who's at my door for 2 miles…..who is it???? Who's it gonna be when you get here….:)