Sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don't exist. He's busy vacuuming now.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 14:23 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The tattoos in your shirtless profile pic say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 11:09 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate going to bed on an empty v@gina :(
←Rate | 12-22-2012 02:46 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, that's more like it.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 06:56 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why hasn't Sears made a riding vacuum cleaner?
←Rate | 12-05-2010 23:59 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I want negative in my life is pregnancy tests.
←Rate | 01-19-2013 13:31 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon If my cat could talk I have a feeling it would tell me "stop talking to me crazy woman and go get laid"
←Rate | 03-07-2013 06:59 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vagina, the original man cave.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 13:29 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a d ick I'd definitely get it stuck in something it wasn't supposed to be in by the end of the first day.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 13:05 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another cat.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 02:36 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas; For every minute you spend 'down there,' I'll donate a dollar to Michael Douglas' Throat Cancer Research Fund.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 12:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I bend over for any reason and you don't immediately come behind and air hump me, you're not my kinda guy.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 12:51 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon Time to get white girl wasted,scream wooo at strangers, cry in a bathroom,take a pic in said bathroom flashing a gang sign & call it a night
←Rate | 06-13-2013 12:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd let you hold my boob before I'd let you hold my cell phone.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:26 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boobs are nice so I don't have to be.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 12:41 by Sarah Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just saved a lot of money at the bar by having a vagina.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 10:10 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of times I've tried to stick my key in other people's locks just to see if it fits is probably the reason I wasn't given a d*ck
←Rate | 06-19-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My warning label would simply read: Take me regularly. In case of overdose, enjoy.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 11:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart then you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 12:21 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's have phone sex and you can hang up on me before I'm done to keep it realistic
←Rate | 06-22-2013 13:45 by Sarah Comments (0)  



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