Rashad Hammoud Funny Status Messages

   Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything!

   I've been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….

   Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

   Israel changes its relationship status with Egypt on FB to "it's complicated". Lebanon, Syria & Palestine 'like' this

   I've been told I have a face for Photoshop.

   Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…

   If friends could be bought at the store, I'd buy you. And I'd get a good deal because those “slightly irregular” bins are always discounted.

   I won't believe the Groundhog saw his shadow until he updates his Facebook status.

   My girlfriend says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?

   Guys, it's time to start working on those apologies for Valentine's Day.

   Just denied 47 requests to play FarmVille, apparently I need new friends.

   Maybe if my boss saw how many statuses I can drop in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.

   I wonder if all hot girls go through life believing that everyone is being genuinely nice to them all the time.

   Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"

   They've asked me to appear on “I Shouldn't Be Alive.” I didn't survive anything. They just don't like me.

   COOL TIP: If a homeless person is ever asking you for money, cut them off and say "hey do you got a dollar". (This usually throws them off)

   Got this great new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city

   The BIG difference between men and women is that women will complain if they switched genders while men will appreciate the opportunity!