Chester Bello Funny Status Messages

   I wish every relationship I was in had a money back guarantee or at least a 30 day free trial

   wish every relationship i've been in had a 30 day money back guarantee!

   All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening

   somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine

   the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about

   I remember when wearing Hollister meant you have money, not wearing Hollister means you ran out of money

   a guy dating a twin, haha, try telling her she's one of a kind!

   can I put on the Scream mask when I do you from behind

   Dear iPhone, I'm pretty sure I meant to spell "b*tches" not "chubies"

   I came into a girls house, those stains never went away

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   I wonder if Asians throw rice at a Chinese wedding?