@twittername Funny Status Messages

   If you cross the N. Korean border illegally, you get 12yrs. hard labor. If you cross the Afghanistan border illegally, you get shot. If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get a job, a driver's license, food stamps, a place to live, and health care.

   I need some attention today. Can't decide if I should go with the, "why does this always happen to me" status, or a line from an Adele song.

   Any time there is large scale civil disorder, it makes one realize the extent to which society is based on consensus and trust.

   Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's piano? Neither has he.

   Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could really use some frequent-flyer miles right now...