Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To clarify: teachers are not "off for the summer", they are in recovery. ‬
←Rate | 06-25-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least Buffalo Bill gave his prisoners lotion and a basket.
←Rate | 06-26-2019 00:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cannot believe Monday got the audacity to be tomorrow..
←Rate | 06-26-2019 03:33 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon Besides my good looks, honesty, charm, witty personality and my incredible sense of humor I have to say that my greatest characteristic is my modesty.
←Rate | 06-16-2019 14:29 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 17:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From the size of the crowd I would say wrong again .
←Rate | 06-19-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing you can ever accomplish will make your parents any happier than the first time you slept through the night.
←Rate | 06-11-2019 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m “you can only play video games on channel 3” years old.
←Rate | 12-11-2017 04:37 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cable guys was just in my neighborhood, asked me what time it was.. I said between 8am-1pm..
←Rate | 06-24-2019 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a leaf blower, but for people.
←Rate | 09-06-2017 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
←Rate | 02-23-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them!
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:45 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."
←Rate | 02-26-2019 06:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon You ever read a girl status and wished someone would just treat her right so she'd just stfu
←Rate | 08-30-2018 12:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  




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