psycho Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.
←Rate | 06-20-2014 00:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.
←Rate | 07-04-2014 13:23 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:17 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:28 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friends say the craziest things like "hello police" and "he's in our house again."
←Rate | 10-10-2014 02:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions
←Rate | 10-22-2014 12:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:29 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon People with multiple personalities scare me. Speak for yourself b*tch. That's right, you heard him.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:47 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll stop being creepy when you stop sending me telepathic messages that you secretly want me.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 11:36 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice try, but you're not getting rid of me that easily.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 08:39 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I orgasm I think it makes others on the bus a little nervous.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 01:30 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got tasered at speed dating again.
←Rate | 12-11-2014 00:42 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl punched me today. Does that still mean she likes me? And if so, why the mace?
←Rate | 12-13-2014 13:17 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.
←Rate | 12-13-2014 14:23 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I stalked you any harder you'd be a missing person by now.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 11:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon [breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That's really not necessary
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:42 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:24 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you're so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
←Rate | 01-30-2015 06:16 by Psycho Comments (0)  


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