New Funny Away Messages
This page contains new funny away messages that were recently submitted by visitors. They have not yet been edited by the webmaster.
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hot girl! My computer is away from me right now. I'm sleeping. Unless someone is dying and wants to give me their last words it can wait until morning. right now i'm in prison (AKA school) so leave a message and make me feel better!!! jack and jill Paris-Hilt on.wikidot .com I'm riding the ponies outside Wal Mart Be back when I run out of quarters I'm here chilling around jus puttin up an away msg bc maybe n% is so annoying & cnt stop stalking mei >:-p hey where were you 5 minutes ago when I cared? I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. I am not here. if you want to call my cell phone, buy me a cell phone. Friend ship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings I'm touching underwater breathing apparatus Why would you talk to someone that's away? If Barbie is so popular... then why do you have to buy her friends? Someone that loves me went to (someplace) and all they got me was this away message. At the end of every tunnel, there's a light. Just pray it's not a train haha...i cant think of one i am not here right now. leave a message at the dot . Okay, I have an idea. How about I just put up an away message, and make it seem like I have a life, even though I'm probably sitting at the computer... rocking back and forth, humming the theme to Sesame Street... Wait. What? I can honestly say I really dont get it... You only know you've really succeeded if you throw up afterwards Does this away message really mean I'm away, or am I pretending to be away...? This is ur mom's away message.. if you have something you love. through it away, if it comes back cherish it forever. Ya know, sometimes you have to make a huge decision in your life. Well I just made on because I didn't want to have to clean up the mess...be right back. you dont know what you have until it bites you in the ass I'm wherever you want me to be as long as it floats your boat! I'm spending some quality time with my pillow... be back in the morning taking care or gay burgulars they want to change my house around I'' be back in 5 minutes. If I'm not back by then, I'll be longer. I'm a frayed knot Meet you in hell I hate you messages Can't murder now...eating. hi mom I 143 you I have had to make like tight pants and split. I dont know where I am either if you like me you will leave a message I'm gooder at the interweb than you! Can't... talk... ain't... got... coffee... yet... hello goodbye Jeter sucks A-Rod ...so what do I write here?!?! I Intend to live forever...so far so good! I'm not going to cheat on the test tommorow, i'm simply going to study during it. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now Um. . . .what was I supposed to put here again? Surfing the waves of cyber space. Awesome, it's high tide! Does this away message make my butt look big? Hello, you have reach the Apocalypse, the world will end %d (date) at %t(time). If you wants some weed press the hash key This is my new away message Hey %n(Their Screen name)! Thanks for last night! Hey, what's this thing for? This is the best away message i've got so dont copy it... (Your screenname) is not here right now...but if they were... wouldn't that be awesome? Im taking notes ...hey the voices may not be real but they have good I deas DO NOT DISTURB...well crap, it's a bit late now isn't it?!?! Your not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on Lost my shadow and went to go find it Sometimes I just like to go into waiting rooms.. and wait... Nobody has Been online all day... and he won't stop I'ming me!! I'm busy copying ethics homework. Some may say the glass is half empty, some may say the glass is half full, but the Irish will forever say...""Are you gonna drink that?"" Everyone calls me a zero, but I'm really an Internet hero! It's not that I dont feel like talking to you...oh wait yeah it is! Studying. Notice how they conveniently put ""DYING"" at the end of this word. My doctor told me to avoid large crowds and excitement so I bought season tickets to a (hated teams) game. Life? cool. Where can I download one? Your gonna have to hold it because I cant I'm calling you right now...no that isn't the ringing in your head. ƒ??^ƒ?§ƒ??( `;?? )ƒ?§ƒ??^ƒ?§ have a nice day Send message at your own risk This better not be %n(Their Screen name) again Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo You just missed me, AIM better next time. This away message is almost as exciting as my life. Man, %n(Their Screen name)! How did you get this? I thought I blocked you! This away message has been tested on animals. 10 million people are having sex right now and your reading my away message, damn i'm important If you are gonna be original you can count on being copied! My lawyer has told me to reply "no comment" as to my current whereabouts. %n(Their Screen name), you are so vain, you probably think this away message is about you Signing autographs for my fans...Be back in a minute. So... go places often? Playing in traffic. I got my away message from the internet I eat glue Clocks are for people who are not creative, I'll be back when I feel the need. One day I'll take over the world, but first I'm going to make a sandwich ""The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and you'd have to specify type of goat. Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either Shott shot at Nott or he was not shot. If the shot Shott then Shott was shot, not Nott. However, Mr. Nott said it was not a bullet shot that killed Nott, Nott was killed by a liquor shot Dont you just wish you were here ... This is my away message... What do you think of it? I'm sitting on the TV watching the couch I'm at school. Asking how school was is just like asking how the drive by shooting was, you dont care how it went, your just glad you got the hell out alive YOU FOUND ME!!!!! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD LOOK HERE! I am still trying to figure out how these away messages work...wait...I may have gotten it... Note: the following away message is viewed by a live studio audience Note to self: %n(Their Screen name) sent me a message at %t on %d, add to ""must kill"" list... Ashes to ashes dust to dust sometimes I just feel like giving up. The amount of times you check my away message each day has put me at a level of discomfort to the point to where I felt it necessary to put an e-restraining order on you. The internet police should be arriving soon to serve you with this order I know an away message that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know an away message that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes... I am not creative enough to come up with my own away message so I stole this one from tjshome.com Everyone always has those special, thoughtful, crackup, cleaver away messages that make you laugh or think so hard you are tempted to take it and use it for your own. This is mine. Be back later... A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O...you get it!!! On eBay looking for a friend...they have good deals you know! I'm at band camp... I'm kidding Real Men of Genius--- Today I salute you Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a normal life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen.. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the mousepad and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change. Me: Knock Knock%n(Their Screen name): Who's There?
Me: Not me ... lol
I'm not really away... this message is just a really bad April fools joke I'm just sitting here like a loser, looking at other people's away messages. Oh wait...that's you! My away message can beat up your away message *sniff sniff* someone stole my away message Fact: You have just read this away message.Fiction: I am going to reply to you
If you can read this you dont need glasses This away message will provide you with no entertainment, nor information as to where I am. [AOL Alert] ""Salem Virus"" was detected on your machine. To start the removal process press alt+f4 4 out of the 5 voices say ""keep sleeping"" I am asleep, in bed alone, seems to be a reoccurring theme but not big deal . goodnight Silly rabbit away messages are for kids You're just jealous because I hear voices and you don't I might be here...But I'm not all there... Getting my daily dose of vitamins T and V. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger...Then it hit me! Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again I have class to go to. Apparently I've chosen to go. This is not an extremely common occurrence for me. You really ought to be proud...especially if it's morning, Monday, or Friday. If Ambercombie decided that breathing wasn't 'cool' then 1/2 of the teen population would suffocate in 24 hours. I do what the cheerios tell me to do... so right now I'm swimming in a big bowl of milk! I sure hope life isn't just one big joke.. because I just don't get it Stuck in the away message factory... please send help! I'm not here... Blame MTV... Do NoT Type like Tis... It MaKeS you LoOk ReT@RdEd Beer makes people smarter. Think about it...it made ""Bud wiser"". I was here but now I'm gone, so I left my this message to turn you on... I'm out like Janet Jackson's boob at a halftime show! Sicks munce ago I cudnt even spel gradjuwat and now I arE one?ý I know what you did last away message I'm at school. Yeah, you should probably be there too. Only fools leave away messages...DAMNIT Watching American Idol**not gay
In the shower.. instead of the usual ""come and join me"" I would rather see you sprawled out naked on my bed when I get back! I went dat way -----> I do what they say and choose the road less traveled.... Now where the heck am I? We just went over your IQ test, and with the results I don't think you'll understand this... I'm sleeping...And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which Iƒ??m dying are the best Iƒ??ve ever had
Strike 1... Strike 2... Strike 3.... I'm out... You are probably doing one of these two things: 1) Checking my profile to see what my away message is, so you don't have to I'm me and look stupid. 2) Feeling stupid because I know you are doing #1. I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. If you think life is bad..... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard. Only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys!! But worst of all...the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!!!! I'm Eating ... I wish I got more than bread and water in this damn place Cry Me a River, Build me a Bridge, and tell me when you done so we can go for a walk! Hey I'm feeling tired My time is gone today
Riddle: How Long is a China ManAnswer: Yes he is
Think about that while I'm gone!
BRB I have to go to the bathroom ..oh shi... never mind :( Who ever said being alone wasn't fun... hasn't been alone with me I do what the cheerios tell me! I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. Who am I kidding? I'm looking at porn. I'm in the shower... please do not flush the toilet I'm out like me. (I was the fat kid in dodgeball.) If an away message is posted on the Internet, but no one reads it, did that person ever really go away? My other away message is funny. I'm currently staring at the back of my eyelids... I can finally go outside again! Saddam has been caught! Now I lay me down to study, I pray the lord I dont go nutty, If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the lord I will not flunk, but if I do, dont pity me at all, jus lay my bones in the hall, then lay my books upon my desk, Now I lay me down me down to rest, I pray I'll pass tomorrows test, and if I should die before I wake, That's one less test I have to take. ;) What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about? There's a killer in my house. I'm trying to call 911 but I can't find the 11. Don't cry... I'll be back soon! Me Chinese, me play joke, me put pee pee in your Coke. I am typing in bold, italics, and underline all at once They tell me exercise is good for my body so that's what I'm doing, getting up from the computer and walking to the TV Away message MIA Officer, I swere to drunk I'm not god! I think this is a very good away message because it keeps the person who's reading it busy.. you say how?.. (read again) If a kids asks ""why is it raining?"" I think it is cute to tell them ""god is crying."" If the child asks ""why is god crying?"" I also think it is cute to tell them ""most likely because of something you did"" If you think life is bad..... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard. Only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys!! But worst of all...the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!!!! I knew I was a nut the day the squirrel started looking at me funny! Apparently, my teachers are having a contest to see who could give out the most homework!! Stay tuned, for when I return, we shall ponder the intersurreptible vicissitudes (with a hyperextended analysis of the pertaining relevancy of its esotericity) of the pseudoantidisestablishmentarianistic ideals. Bon pruneau! All I want to do is be more like me and less like you -Linkin Park Not here right now because I am out enjoying life, you should try it sometime! Contemplating... ooohhh big word Once a boy asked his dad ""is God a boy or a girl?"" his dad said both... then he asked ""is God black or white?"" his dad said both... then he asked ""is God Michael Jackson?"" I'm gone... you're here (give me a cookie for that one)! Out looking for Nemo Right now I have two hands caressing my hot steamy body... I'm in the frikin shower... You sick perv!! One by one the penguins steal my sanity I'm taking a shower and you're not invited. Conserve water.. take a shower with me :-P I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prays, turned off the bed, and jumped to the light all because you kissed me good night I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up my whole brain. One day I will come up with a good away message, but until then, I'm away! Computer $899.99 Internet $20.00/ month
Not Being here: Priceless
there are some things in life money can't buy
I'm out trying to get a life, how much they cost? I just want to thank (all your teachers names here) for all this wonderful homework you have given me... it means a lot!! Make like a tree and leave Spanish homework.. damn why can't they all just speak English! :-/ Oh shi.. there goes the planet A?úway (a-wae) adj. Absent; Distant, as in space or time. Class? no! dont wake me! The little voice in my tummy said, ""FEED ME!"" Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol Send Help! Dude!!! I'm so not here Out playing hide and seek with Osama Bin Ladin. Damn he's good! Shhh...(your name) is sleeping! I'm not here right now but you can talk to my away message. It tells me everything. I am sleeping right now who knows I may be dreaming about you %n(Their Screen name) ""I'll be back"" - Arnold Schwartzenager I snooze, and you lose! I'm away...That's the message! I'm away can't you tell? My dog ate my away message If you were on a deserted island and could have any item you wanted,w hat would you want?.... for those of you who didn't say a cruise ship or a plane... I don't think I'll be talking to you eny time soon... for the rest of you, feel free to leave a message What is the point of leaving an away message when most people don't even read them and even when I say leave me a message... no ever one does:( I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.